Healing
by OfCakeAndIceCream
Summary: A blind Grey Warden and a broken Templar, two souls meant to destroy but instead they heal. F!Amell/Cullen One-shot


**Author's Note**: I am halfway done with Chapter 2 of _A Different Journey_ so no worries! This idea hit me while I was driving home the other day and I just had to write it. It's an extremely _long_ one shot but I hope you enjoy it none the less! I wrote it in...roughly a 8 hours. This entire oneshot (author's notes included) is just over 9000 words! Please leave me a review! A special THANK YOU to **Crisium** for betaing this fic, you are far too kind!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine at all sadly.

* * *

When Wynne says she is returning to the Tower, Amell does not object.

When Wynne says she is taking Amell back as well, Amell does not object.

A blind Grey Warden cannot help anyone anyway, so why not return to the gilded cage?

Wynne tells Solona that she can be healed back at the Tower, that she can rest and eventually her vision will come back, most likely.

Solona does not care, she does not speak, after over two years of leading she simply follows, with Rabbit close. She overhears Wynne asking Zevran to move ahead to Amaranthine, to meet the Orlesian Wardens and to prepare so things will be in order for when Solona is 'better'. Solona wants to scream at Wynne, at Zevran, because although she cannot see them she can feel their eyes on her, they are worried for her but she knows they just want her to _heal_, to lead once more. She does not want to lead, she does not want to _heal_, Maker help her but some days she simply wants it to be over. Despite Wynne's assurances that all wounds heal in time, that her mind will mend and her eyes will as well, Solona knows she will never be the same again.

Her heart, her soul, those feel as though they will never heal. Though she lives she feels dead inside, because most of her died with him when he struck the killing blow. When his lips had touched hers for a final time, when he whispered he loved her, when he _died_ for her. Alistair..._Alistair._ The bastard prince is _dead_ because of her. Some days she contemplates staggering to Orzammar, to meet her end blind and hollow inside. Wynne, Zevran, Leliana, even Oghren...they knew this and they stop her each time and Solona cannot find the energy to fight back.

So she walks down the hill towards the Lake Calenhad docks slowly, Rabbit whining at her side and Wynne several steps in front of her but close enough to keep track of her. Solona knows this because whenever she trips over a stone, Wynne is there ready to catch her, because now the 'Hero of Ferelden' is too weak to save herself.

"We are almost at the docks Solona," Wynne says, her voice quiet but firm as if she were speaking to a child. Solona already knows this, she can smell the water, she can hear the waves, though she says nothing to Wynne. Solona has not spoken a word since they have left Denerim, she does not bother anymore because all she can do is cry.

Wynne and Kester help her into the boat and Rabbit presses close against her as they push away from the dock. She never was fond of the boat, she likes it even less now that all she can see is a blur of blackness. Rabbit rests his head on her lap and whines, Solona raises a hand and strokes the Mabari's coarse fur. Poor Rabbit, he tries so hard to get her to smile again and without him Solona is certain she would be more lost then she already is.

"Careful now miss," Kester says holding her hand as he and Wynne attempt to guide her out of the boat. Perhaps if she slips and falls in the lake she can end this all.

Rabbit gently nudges her leg and Solona forgoes that plan as well.

"Thank you Kester," her voice is cracked and raw from lack of use. She hears Wynne sharply draw in breath, Rabbit gives a little approving 'whoof' and is soon beside her. Though she cannot see it Solona turns towards the Tower; she imagines the Tower she remembers both from before and after she became a Grey Warden, but it all seems so far away that she can hardly grasp the images.

"Come Solona," Wynne says, taking her hand gently and leading her forward. Solona follows and wonders what will happen now, if Wynne truly believes that she will get better.

Solona is unsure if she even wants to get better.

* * *

When he hears that _she_ is back, his heart nearly stops. The world freezes and he does not hear what Greagoir says after, all he knows is that she is in the Tower and it feels as if his mind is about to break. Memories of the Desire Demon bombard him, the temptation, the death of his brothers. For Cullen the wound is as fresh now as it was when _she_ had come to save them.

The Demon wore her face, the demon _touched_ him, _taunted_ him, _tempted_ him to his lowest point. Delving deep into his thoughts, creating her as Cullen had only dared imagine in his dreams. Solona...beautiful, brave, _dangerous_.

Cullen will not let it happen again. He will not let himself be ruled by his darkest desire.

He contemplates finding her and cutting her down. Yet those_ feelings _he somehow still possesses for her stop him, because despite how much he loathes her part of him still sees her as the dark-haired apprentice who smiles at him as she passes him in the halls. So instead he stays as far away from the main part of the Tower as he can, trading posts with his fellow Templars because he needs to stay_ away_ from her.

Because Cullen feels if he sees her again, the temptation may defeat him.

Two weeks have gone by and he has been successful. He ignores the Templars' whispers of her, he ignores the mages' whispers of her. Cullen tries to push her from his mind but in his dreams he is visited by her. The dreams are not every night but they are more often then not, and Cullen feels himself growing angry at her. Despite his prayers to the Maker to forget her he cannot. He hates her, he does not wish to see her.

So when he finds her during one of his early morning patrols, Cullen almost draws his sword.

Solona is not facing him, instead she sits on a windows edge her back faced to him with a Mabari hound curled near her feet. She is wearing what appear to be her old apprentice robes and Cullen feels his gut clench at the familiar golden cloth that hugged her body so closely. The Mabari growls when it notices his presence, pushing itself to its feet as it growls at him hackles raised.

"Who is it?" Solona asks and her voice is so much softer then he remembers. She turns to face him, yet she does not look at him instead looking_ past _him. Her vibrant sea blue eyes are paler now and her brow is furrowed and she looks so _confused._

Cullen's heart is in his throat as he realizes it is because she cannot see him. He says nothing instead staring at the mage, the Mabari's growl turns into a bark as he bares his teeth. Solona's pale pink lips turned downwards and she squints her eyes as if trying to focus on him.

"Solona," he breathes out and Cullen sounds like he is choking. So many different emotions are striking him all at once and Cullen does not know what to do, or how to react. He feels as helpless now as he had in Uldred's trap, he looks away from her because looking at her hurts.

"Cullen?" She asks and her expression relaxes ever so slightly, a thin hand reaches out and lightly strokes the Mabari's fur calming the hound down. Slowly the dog relaxes although it still watches Cullen with an intense look of suspicion. Cullen hesitantly returns his gaze to Solona once more, she is thinner then he remembers. The beautiful face so full of life looks almost gaunt now, as though she has barely slept or eaten in weeks, and in her unseeing eyes all Cullen can see is _pain_ that almost mirrors his own.

"I...I have to go," he says and flees the room like a coward. It is too much to be around her, the amount of emotions that rush through him just at the sight of her is unbearable. So he runs, runs as fast as he can ignoring all that he nearly crashes into and Cullen does not stop until he reaches his rooms and slams the door behind him. He leans against the heavy door, and Cullen feels as if his heart is about to burst from his armor.

She is a mage, she is _dangerous_. He repeats this in his mind, Cullen reminds himself of _why_ mages are dangerous, reminds himself of the bodies strewn about the Tower. He reminds himself that she like _all_ of them are balancing on the edge of a sword, one false move and she would be an abomination.

But as he remembers this, Cullen also remembers her confusion, her pain.

Despite how much he tries to hate her, Cullen knows that she is just as broken as he is.

* * *

The next few times they 'see' one another the meetings follow the same path as the first. With Cullen fleeing within moments of entering the room. Solona does not think much of it, she has a vary vague idea of what had happened to Cullen when he had been in the grasp of a Demon, so she does not blame him for being so wary of her. Or maybe she is just apathetic, Solona is unsure.

She is unsure of so much these days.

Slowly the meetings change. He spends more time with her, although at first neither of them say more then a few words. Then when they begin to talk it is of nothing specific, Solona asks him to describe things for her. The weather, the trees, things she never would have thought she would miss. Sometimes he brings books with him and he reads them for her, they are never about magic though, usually books about history or old tales.

Solona knows he is watching her, guarding over her almost as he once had when she was an apprentice. Although she knows that things are not as they once were, they are both so different now. Still at times it is nice to pretend that times are simpler ones.

Their friendship, yes she feels comfortable calling it that now, changes further when he catches her.

Solona walks through the halls near the apprentice chambers, Rabbit is nearby but not as close as he usually is. Solona has gotten better at _seeing _without truly seeing so she tries to walk alone, and with success most of the time. At least until two -or three?- giggling apprentices burst from their chambers running straight into her. Solona staggers and just as she feels herself fall, strong hands grab her and hold her steady.

"You three!" Cullen's voice is harsh, and so angry. Solona has not heard him this angry since the Tower had fallen. "Go to Greagoir's office, _now_!" The three apprentices apologize profusely, their voices momentarily overwhelming Solona's senses and she presses her hands over her ears shutting her eyes. Too much, too much. Her ears have become so much more sensitive and sometimes it is nearly unbearable.

The arms that caught her pull her up to her feet, then move to rest on her shoulders as they hold her body steady. Solona opens her unseeing eyes and looks at the blur she knows belongs to Cullen. She is close to him, closer then she has ever been and she notices he smells faintly of lyrium and soap.

"Thank you," she says and she means it. Rabbit is pressed against her leg firmly once more whining loudly, the dog blames himself for his mistress nearly getting hurt. Solona removes her hands from over her ears and lightly strokes Rabbit's coarse fur, comforting the hound.

"Are you alright?" Cullen no longer stutters when he speaks to her, there is no nervousness in his voice, only concern. His hands are still on her shoulders gripping them tightly as if he is afraid she might crumble before his eyes, and Solona must admit to herself that he is right.

"Yes, yes thank you again Cullen," Solona says and silence falls over them. His hands are still upon her. "I should go before breakfast gets cold." Cullen removes his hands although she feels them linger and Solona turns away with Rabbit once more attached to her side whining his apologies.

* * *

_"I will not heal her until she is ready," Wynne says when Cullen approaches her in her office. "You must understand Cullen, Solona is...not as she once was. If I were to heal her prematurely she might hurt herself, maybe not intentionally but it is likely she will run off to fight darkspawn alone. When she comes to me and she is truly ready, then I shall heal her. It is something I will not,_ cannot _force on her.__"  
_

Cullen feels anger at the Senior Enchanter's words. Solona could have been seriously hurt by those foolish apprentices, all because Wynne refuses to heal her because she 'was not ready'. It makes little sense to Cullen, all he wants is for Solona to stop _hurting_. He does not wish to see her wandering the Tower so completely lost, because despite his efforts over the last several months to stop seeing her, to stop these _feelings_ for her, Cullen loves her.

So he guards her carefully, ignoring his other duties though Greagoir says nothing on the matter and neither does Solona. She talks to him more now, though her voice is quiet and she no longer smiles as she once did. Sometimes Cullen thinks of asking her_ why _but he stops himself each time, because whatever it is breaks her heart and he does not want to push her away, not anymore. Being around her silences the memories, the voices of his fallen brothers, and Cullen does not want to lose that.

Even Solona's dog -or Rabbit, a name that certainly does not fit the hound- has even begun accepting his presence. Rabbit wags his tail slightly each time Cullen enters the room and sometimes the hound will wait by the door as he and Solona talk, although the hound is always watching, protecting. Cullen does not mind, he is glad that when he is not there he does not need to worry for Solona's safety, because he knows Rabbit would die before letting any harm come to her.

"Hello Cullen," Solona says as he steps into the library, there are many other mages around her and they all seem to scatter at the sight of him. Solona looks towards him and it looks like she is looking him directly in the eye, though Cullen knows she does not see him.

"How do you always know?" Cullen asks, he has heard that the other senses of the blind become very sensitive to make up for the loss of sight, yet Solona's ability to pick him out even in a crowd was uncanny, not that Cullen minds of course.

"To be honest I do not know," Solona says shrugging her shoulders slightly. She is not as thin nor as gaunt as the first time he saw her and Cullen is glad, she no longer looks like a ghost seeking peace, she looks almost like the old Solona.

Though Cullen still has not seen her smile.

"Dinner is being served, I was wondering if you would like to go now before too many people get there," Cullen asks smiling slightly at her. Solona has grown to hate crowds of people, because though she cannot see she tells him she can _feel _their pity and she does not want or need it.

"Yes that is probably for the best," Solona says her lips turned into a slight frown. She pushes herself out of the chair and Rabbit, who is happily getting his tummy scratched by several young apprentices moves to follow. "You can find me later Rabbit, I'll save you scraps." Rabbit looks at his mistress and then turns to Cullen, and Cullen knows if the dog could speak Rabbit would be threatening him to keep Solona safe, because she is broken and they have to fix her.

Cullen simply nods at the Mabari hound who then returns to his tummy scratching with joy. Solona moves towards him and carefully he begins to walk out of the library, he does not hold her arm to guide her although Maker knows he wants to, because Solona does not wish to be coddled.

So instead they walk slowly down the stairs towards the dining hall side by side. They speak of things of little importance, and as always they never speak of the Blight because Solona does not mention it and Cullen dares not ask. He does not wish to drive her away, not when he has found her again, not when he has found himself again.

Suddenly Solona stops walking and Cullen nearly runs into her, he stutters out an apology but Solona does not seem to hear him.

"No...no no no no no!" Suddenly she storms towards the main entrance hall and Cullen follows closely after her, there is fear in her eyes but there is also so much _anger._ Cullen does not know how she knows where to go, but somehow Solona finds her way and as they reach the entrance hall Cullen sees three men he has never seen before, with glistening armor and the symbol of a griffon emblazoned on their chest plates. Grey Wardens. They are speaking with Greagoir and Wynne who both look as angry as Cullen has ever seen them.

"She is not ready you fools!" Wynne shouts looking every inch the mother bear protecting her cub. Greagoir is standing at her side telling the Grey Wardens that they are not welcome in the Tower. The Grey Wardens are not paying them any heed instead they turn their attention to Solona who is shaking in rage beside him.

"Get. Out." Her voice is barely above a whisper but it fills the entire chamber.

"Commander Amell--" One of the Wardens begins but Solona does not let him finish his statement.

"LEAVE!" She shouts and Cullen can feel her reaching beyond the Veil for her magic and while he _knows _he should stop her he makes no move to do so, surprisingly enough neither does Greagoir.

"Commander you are_ needed_, we have let you have your period of greiving." Another Warden is speaking and Cullen can hear the slight Orlesian accent in his voice. "However you must accept, Alistair died honorably fulfilling his duty--"

"Do not speak of him! You have no right!" Solona is screaming now and there are tears running down her face and Cullen fears she is going to lose control. "Where were _you_ when he died!? Where were you when we _needed_ you!? It should have been one of _you_ dead, not him."

"The past is the past," the Warden says and he is watching her with a wary eye. "Alistair died a hero and you dishonor his memory--"

A blast of power sends the three Wardens flying backwards into the heavy wooden door. Cullen grabs Solona by the arms holding her back, because he knows no matter how angry she is now if she kills them she will regret it later. Solona tries to struggle against him but gives up because he is stronger then her, and Cullen can feel how _tired_ she is.

"You did not know him, you know _nothing_. He died to save me, the idiot wanted to _save_ me." Solona's voice is cracking and her sobs are reverberating in the nearly empty hall. "It should have been _me_, it should have been one of you, but it should never have been Alistair!" She slips out of his grip as she crumbles to the floor arms wrapped tightly around herself as she cries, and now all she says is Alistair's name over and over again. Now Cullen knows what has broken her, now he knows what she has lost.

Cullen reaches down and picks her up gently, Solona does not resist instead she turns her face into his chest sobbing against his armor. The Wardens were slowly getting to their feet, and they look at the crying girl with fear in their eyes.

"If you come near her again," Cullen growls at them, "I will cut you down myself." Without another word he turns away with Solona in his arms, he does not see the looks that the Wynne and Greagoir are shooting his way, and he does not care. All that matters is Solona.

Rabbit is waiting when they reach her rooms and the mabari growls at him.

"If you're looking for someone to bite, there are three Orlesian Grey Wardens downstairs," Cullen says and the hound stops growling at him and looks towards the slightly open door. Rabbit then slips out through the small opening and Cullen hopes that the dog rips the Warden's to shreds. Gently Cullen sets Solona down on her bed, as he begins to pull away from her a small hand reaches out and clasps his.

"P-Please don't leave." Her voice is raw from her shouts and from her tears, and Cullen feels as if his skin is on _fire _even though she is only touching his armor. Hesitantly Cullen sits at the edge of her bed and still she has not let go of his hand. Solona cries silently for several more minutes before the crying quiets and Cullen realizes that she is now asleep, with her fingers entwined with his own. He dares not move, fearing that it might awaken her. So instead he leans against the stone wall of the Tower and closes his eyes, he will wait a few more minutes before he leaves.

Just a few more minutes...

* * *

Things change again after that night. Cullen rarely leaves her side and Solona finds that she does not mind. She knows that the others talk, the Templars, the mages, but none have said anything to either of them and Solona is glad that they have not. It seems the events of the Tower's fall as well as the Blight have oddly mellowed everything at the Tower, even Greagoir though she still feels the Knight-Commander's gaze drilling into her. So Cullen stands with her and Solona realizes that she trusts Cullen. Though she knows she does not need protection it is...nice to have it.

Slowly she begins to open up to him, when they are alone anyway. She tells him of the Blight, of how merely hours after becoming a Grey Warden she became their leader, she told him of her friends, of her foes. After a month Solona hesitantly tells him about Alistair, and even though talking about the dead man hurts telling Cullen somehow makes it hurt less. He does not judge her, he does not waver, though when she tells him of the Desire demon who possessed Connor she feels him tense. Still he says nothing as he listens to her, and slowly she feels her heart and perhaps even her soul mending.

Cullen has also begun to tell her of the time when the Tower was overrun. He tells her of his fears, of the death of his brothers, of the demon who wore her face and taunted him. Solona holds his hand as he tells her of the nightmares he still has some nights, of the voices that used to whisper to him, of the terrible things he had wanted to do. Solona does not judge him because she cannot imagine what it was like for him, because she admires him for overcoming his fears.

They are both healing.

One night when he opens the door to her rooms for her, Solona kisses him. Cullen freezes and for a moment she thinks he is going to flee but slowly he relaxes and shyly returns the kiss. He is warm and she hates that she must pull away.

"Goodnight Cullen," Solona says quietly as she enters her room and closes the door behind her.

Her lips are warm and her heart is racing, and Maker she is so confused.

Yet despite that Solona does not mind that she kissed Cullen. Cullen who has always kept her safe, stuttering, blushing, kind _Cullen_. Cullen whose wounds are as deep as her own, Cullen who does not care that she is blind, Cullen who sits with her while she cries about a lost love.

Her lips turn up into a small smile, the first in far too long.

* * *

That first kiss terrifies him on a deep level, he immediately thinks he is back in the cage and that the past several months have been a dream. That this is not Solona kissing him but it's the demon trying to take his soul. Yet as he truly began to feel the kiss Cullen knew it was not the kiss of a demon. Where the demon's kiss had been seductive and demanding, Solona's kiss was hesitant as if she were terrified he would turn her away. Cullen knows that several months ago he would have, but now he knows that it is truly _Solona. _

The first kiss is not the last either. The kisses start briefly, stolen in the corners of the Tower when he is certain no one is watching. The kisses outside her bedroom are longer, and each night it is getting more and more difficult for Cullen to pull away. He tries to remind himself of his Templar vows, that this sort of relationship with a mage is wrong. At the very least they will strip him of his duty, at the worst he will be sent to Aeonar and she will be forced to return to the Wardens. Maker help him though, Cullen does not care about the risks right now. He is unsure of when it stopped mattering, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

Cullen knows that the other Templars are aware of _something_ going on between Solona and him, but they say nothing to him and neither does Greagoir. Senior Enchanter Wynne and First Enchanter Irving shoot him knowing looks but they also stay silent. Cullen is glad, because he is unsure of how he would react if he was confronted.

The madness that has plagued his mind is dissipating, his mind and soul are mending.

The sightless mage has healed him in ways his prayers to the Maker had not.

So as he kisses her one night, he pulls her closer and his hands are on her waist and it is taking all his years of training and discipline to not slide them _lower_--

"Come inside," she says as she pulls away. Cullen feels his heart nearly stop and he is not sure he heard her correctly, but as she grabs his armored hands and gently leads him inside his heart goes from a stand still to racing. A small voice tells him not to forsake the last of his vows, another says that he cannot take advantage of her, and a final -the loudest of all- tells the other two to shut up.

Rabbit looks at them as they enter the room and quickly exits and Cullen immediately shuts and locks the door behind the dog. He turns to look at Solona and she's _smiling _at him, it is the first time Cullen has seen her smile since she left the Tower, and the smile is for_ him_.

She is kissing him again, her arms wrap around his neck and Cullen cannot think, Maker he can hardly breathe. Her fingers trail lower as she begins searching for the ties to undo his armor and Cullen moves quickly to help her murmuring apologies. As he clumsily removes the last bit of armor and all he is wearing are his Templar robes she grabs his hands once more and leads him to her bed. Cullen briefly wonders how even though she is blind she is the one leading him.

"Relax," Solona says as she sits down and pulls him down with her. Cullen nearly falls on top of her but manages to catch himself, he is certain his face is as red as an apple and Cullen does not know how he is meant to _relax._ Solona shifts and Cullen takes a deep breath, she giggles softly and kisses his throat encouragingly. "Touch me, I will not break."

So he does, he touches her, he undresses her, his hands trembling all the while. Part of him thinks this is a dream but in Cullen's dreams his hands never shake this bad, her skin is never this soft, and the sounds she makes are never this sweet. Solona smiles at him again as she pushes him away slightly and Cullen begins to ask if he has done something wrong, but instead she starts to _touch_ him.

"Oh Maker." It is all he can think to say, because he cannot even think anymore.

Cullen is not sure what happens after, he knows that there was more touching and gentle whispers of encouragement and before he knows it he is on top of her and he's _inside_ her. Her hands are on his back and he buries his face into the crook of her neck as he _moves _and he is surrounded by her in every way. All he can do is whisper her name in reverence and Cullen _loses_ himself.

Later in the night she is curled up against him and Cullen holds her tightly afraid that she will vanish if he lets her go. Greagoir himself could come bursting through the door right now and Cullen would not care because all that matters is Solona and that he is with her. He does not have to dream anymore, because he has the one thing he has always wanted and Cullen is unsure if he will ever be able to let go.

"I love you," he says though Cullen knows she does not feel the same. Her heart belongs to Alistair and Cullen cannot help but be jealous of the dead man. Yet he wants her to know because she has saved him, the hate has filled him for so long is gone and Cullen is _happy._

"Thank you," Solona says pressing her lips against his chest. Cullen looks down at her and Solona's expression is not one of disgust but one of serenity. For the moment is enough.

* * *

Solona sits near an open window and does not want to fling herself out.

She enjoys the spring breeze, the sound of birds, the soft sound of the water hitting the tower.

She no longer wishes to die.

Cullen has healed her, as she has healed him. Two broken souls that were meant to destroy instead mended.

Yet as she accepts her desire to live, Solona is hesitant to seek out Wynne. She knows the older mage has been waiting for her to come and ask to be healed. Solona knows if her vision returns she will become the Grey Warden Commander once more. Solona will leave the Tower and this terrifies her because the Tower has become home once more, because _Cullen_ has become home.

She does not know how she feels about Cullen. He is important to her, she is not sure what she will do without him, she is not sure of what_ he_ will do without her. Yet her feelings are unclear, and the thought of exploring them scares her so instead she pushes them to the side.

The door opens and she knows it is Cullen and she knows he is alone, so with the eyes that do not see she looks at him and wishes she could truly _see_ him.

"Cullen," she says and she hesitates for a moment. Solona wants to ask him, but she is unsure of how he will react and she does not want to push him away.

"Is something wrong?" He asks and his voice is full of worry because she probably looks as nervous as she feels.

"I am...thinking of asking Wynne to heal me," Solona says and her voice is as soft as it once was, because she does not want to hurt Cullen.

"That's wonderful!" Cullen exclaims and she feels him wrap his arms around her pulling her away from the window and into his embrace. "You will be able to see the--"

"Cullen." She cuts him off before he can finish. Maker this is harder then she thought, her chest aches as the words catch in her throat. "If I get my eyes back...I will have to go to Amaranthine." If she goes to Amaranthine she will rebuild the Order, she will fight Darkspawn, and one day she will go to the Deep Roads to die. She will be a true Grey Warden once more.

Cullen is silent and he says nothing, Solona holds on to him because he is the only thing that has kept her sane. He is why she has come to this point, he is why she wants to get better. Solona wants to see him, to truly see him. Her hands reach up and lightly touch his face and she feels the muscles beneath his skin pulled downward into a frown and Solona wants to cry because she is_ hurting _him.

"Come, we will go see her together," Cullen says and there is no pain in his voice but she knows he feels it. He takes her hands into his own and presses his lips against her forehead. She wants to say something but there is nothing she can say so she lets him head her to Wynne. They pass others on their way but Solona does not care, she grasps Cullen's hand and ignores the whispers. The whispers do not matter anymore, nothing does.

"Solona? Cullen? This is a surprise," Wynne says as they walk into her office. Solona can hear the scraping of the chair against the stone floor as Wynne stands up and Solona feels Cullen lightly squeeze her hand. "I trust all is well?"

"Wynne..." Solona is not sure how to ask, because she is not even sure if she is _ready _yet but Solona knows she must do this now before she loses her nerve.

"Oh Maker, do not tell me you're pregnant!" Solona flushes and she quickly lets go of Cullen's hand and she is certain that Cullen is blushing as well. Cullen is sputtering although his words make no sense and she feels his eyes on her as if he too is now wondering the same thing.

"_No_," Solona says throwing her arms up into the air. "I am _not_ pregnant!" She feels Cullen relax near by and Wynne lets out a sigh of relief. Part of her wants to ask how Wynne knew about them but Solona knows better then to ask, the older mage has always been observant, to the point that it occasionally got very irritating.

"Well that is good to hear," Wynne says and Solona wants to strangle her. "What is it I can do for you then my dear?"

"I'm ready," Solona says and the anger is gone and she is scared. She has been blind for nearly a year, and she has made the Tower her home once more, and she has_ Cullen_. Solona does not know if she wants to go back outside, she does not know if she is ready to be a Grey Warden again.

She knows in her heart though that it is now or never.

"That is wonderful news dear," Wynne sounds so excited and so _happy_ it makes her ill. Wynne explains to her the spell and salve she will use but Solona does not care. She follows Wynne's instructions and sits as Wynne tends to her, Cullen is still in the room although he is on the opposite side of the room.

As Wynne finishes wrapping what feels like a thick layer of cloth around her eyes Solona wonders if she has made the right choice.

"We will know in two weeks time."

Two weeks, two weeks until she would know whether her life would be turned upside down once more.

* * *

Cullen is unsure what to feel, he wishes for Solona to be able to see again but the idea of her leaving fills him with a sense of dread. He wants her to heal but he wants her to stay, and Cullen knows that he cannot have both. Maker help him he does not know what he will do if she leaves.

Now he waits nervously beside Solona as Wynne gently removes the bandages from her eyes. Wynne explains to him that when Alistair had slain the Archdemon there had been a powerful flash of light and Solona had looked directly into it, that coupled with her mental anguish and how long she had been blind greatly lower the chance of recovery. A fifty fifty chance.

Solona squeezes his hand as the last bandage is taken off, her eyes are still shut and she is shaking. Cullen feels as though his heart is in his throat as he waits for Solona to gather the courage to open her eyes. She turns to face him, biting her lip as slowly she opens her eyes.

"Maker..." she breathes out wincing and clamping her eyes shut once more. Cullen feels his heart stop, can she not see? "When did the world get so sodding bright?" Cullen breathes out a sigh of relief and he laughs, he knows he probably sounds hysterical but he does not care. Solona opens her beautiful blue eyes and she has her sight back, it is as if Cullen's dreams and nightmares have come back all at once.

"You will have to be careful Solona, your eyes will be very sensitive for quite some time," Wynne says and Cullen can hear the relief in her voice. Solona's eyes crack open ever so slightly and she nods weakly before shutting her eyes once more. "Cullen, please take her back to her rooms."

"Y-Yes, of course," Cullen says and Solona pushes herself to her feet her eyes still tightly shut. She opens her eyes slightly every once and a while with to see where she is going before shutting them once more.

"My head is killing me," Solona says rubbing her temples. "The last time I had a headache this bad was because I let Oghren convince me to drink Dwarven ale." Cullen smiles in response though on the inside he's a mess. Solona can see, and it will be just a matter of time before she leaves the Tower, just a matter of time before she does not need him anymore.

Cullen still needs her though, and he cannot -will not- imagine what it will be like to be without her.

As she enters her room, Cullen stays on the outside and she turns to look at him, except this time she can see him.

"Aren't you coming inside?" Solona asks tilting her head to the side and for the first time Cullen hesitates. Yet as Solona looks at him, eyes barely cracked open Cullen knows that he will not be able to deny her this.

Because if he must lose her, he wants these last memories to hold onto.

* * *

Her eyes are still sensitive but it is nothing that she cannot handle. Solona spends most of her time in the library, pouring over old books savoring the written word as a drowning man savored the first breath of air. She tries not to think of what is to come just as she tries to forget her past. Solona closes the ancient tome and glances around the empty library, Cullen is in Greagoir's office and she misses his presence.

She thinks back to her past, she thinks of Alistair and though she still feels the stinging pain of his loss the wound does not break her as it once had. Solona does not cry herself to sleep every night, she can now eat a whole meal without making herself ill, she can see again and she is certain that if Alistair could see her now he would be happy for her, because he had loved her and he would have wanted her to be happy.

Solona can see this now. Yet she is hesitant to give that last bit of herself that was Alistair's to Cullen, because she will be leaving in a week. She will be the Grey Warden Commander of Ferelden, she would be strong again because people will be relying on her once more, she is the Hero of Ferelden, but she is also Solona Amell. Too few people will remember that.

Solona groans and rests her head on the desk, there is no harm in taking a nap here. The apprentices are all in their classes and there are so few senior mages left, no one will bother her. So Solona closes her eyes, she sleeps...she dreams.

_"You know what I miss the most?" Oh Maker the voice is so familiar and Solona spins around. Alistair is kneeling next to the fire that looks so much like their old camp fire, in fact her dream has taken the shape of the camp. "Cheese."_

_Solona can't help but laugh, but even in her dreams she cries as she laughs, because she knows this is a dream and that this is not Alistair. Alistair is dead, and this is a dream. A beautiful dream but a dream none the less._

_"Really? Cheese?" Solona asks and 'Alistair' nods firmly._

_"Yes, definitely cheese." Alistair stands and turns to her grinning the lopsided grin that she adores. Solona lets the tears fall down her cheeks and dream Alistair frowns. "Hey this is supposed to be happy, don't cry."_

_"Happy? You're dead Alistair," Solona says and Maker it hurts to admit that out loud._

_"Yea I am..." Alistair trails off looking at her a hint of sadness in his eyes. Maker this dream was far too real for Solona. "It's not so bad, being dead I mean." As if he needs to elaborate, there is silence for a moment before he speaks again. "I want you to be happy, that's all I ever wanted you know that right?"_

_"Y-Yes." Solona nods weakly and she hurts. Dreams are not supposed to hurt but this is not a normal dream._

_"As long as it's not Zevran," Alistair says and they both laugh. He reaches out a hand cupping her face. "I love you, and I am glad he makes you happy."_

_"I miss you so much," Solona chokes out. "I love you." 'Alistair' smiles and presses a light kiss on her lips._

_"Goodbye."_

"Solona! Solona!" Someone is shaking her, and Solona shoots up. She feels the tears on her face and blinks several times trying to focus on who it was that woke her up.

"I'm alright Cullen," Solona says as she wipes her face with the sleeve of her mage's robes. She looks up at the handsome face of the Templar who loves her. His eyes are the color of honey and he looks so worried. Solona smiles at him, she is not afraid any longer.

* * *

Cullen is nervous when he enters Greagoir's office. He half expects the Knight-Commander to cast him out immediately, to strip him of his Templar armor and of his blade. Instead when he enters he sees Greagoir sitting at his desk with two goblets set out.

"Sit," Greagoir says and Cullen does as he is told although he is still hesitant. The Knight-Commander has always been kind to him yet this is still out of character for Greagoir, and Cullen is wary.

"Is...is something wrong Knight-Commander?" Cullen asks as he tries not to shift in his seat like one of the nervous apprentices afraid of punishment.

"You are well I take it?" Greagoir asks and Cullen simply nods in response. Greagoir takes a long draw from his goblet observing Cullen with a stoic expression and it only makes Cullen more nervous. "I understand our resident Grey Warden has regained her sight and will be leaving for Amaranthine in a week."

"Yes," Cullen says and Maker it hurts to know he only has a week left with Solona. She is waiting for him in the library now and he hopes this goes well so that he can return to her.

"I am of the opinion that we should not allow such a powerful mage to leave the Circle unsupervised," Greagoir says and Cullen feels his heart stop. "Do you not agree?" Cullen stares at Greagoir in shock and he is not sure if he is hearing the Knight-Commander correctly. "Perhaps you should go with her."

It is all Cullen can do to not gawk at Greagoir, not in his wildest dreams could Cullen expect this. Greagoir knew, this does not surprise Cullen, but that Greagoir would send him from the Tower on 'Templar business' to _be_ with Solona...it is overwhelming. Cullen wishes he could thank Greagoir but Cullen knows better. Greagoir is carefully turning a blind eye and Cullen will not waste this opportunity.

"I will Knight-Commander, and I...thank you for the opportunity." Cullen stands and bows slightly, the Knight-Commander nods in response.

"I would advise you make preparations and inform the mage." Cullen nods and turns walking out of the office trying to keep his pace slow, when all he wants to do is run to Solona and share his news. They could stay together, Maker it was almost too good to be true!

His joy is broken when he enters the library and he sees Solona with her head on the desk, eyes closed and tears streaming down her face.

"Solona! Solona!" He grasps her shoulder, shaking her fearing that perhaps a demon is trying to possess her in the Fade. Not now, not after everything, Maker he did not know if he could cut her down--

When she opens her eyes Cullen breathes a sigh of relief because it is _her_ behind those beautiful eyes and not a demon. Cullen's heart rate slows and he reaches a hand out and brushes a lock of dark hair out of her eyes.

"I'm alright Cullen," she says smiling at him softly.

"Do _not_ scare me like that," Cullen says his voice trembling. Solona smiles apologetically at him leaning in to brush a soft kiss on his cheek.

"How was the meeting with Greagoir?" Solona asks, Cullen suddenly remembers why he was so happy when he entered the library his own lips turning up into a grin.

"You, will have a Templar escort to Amaranthine...a Templar escort who might find reason to remain in Amaranthine indefinitely." Solona's eyes widen in shock, a hand flies over her mouth as she tries to muffle a squeal of delight before she throws her arms around him.

"I love you," she whispers into his ear. The three words he never expects her to say, and hearing them now he is overcome with joy. Those words are the sweetest thing in the world, they are words Cullen will treasure for the rest of his life.

* * *

Greagoir watches as the boat pulls away from the dock. Sadness, pride, so many emotions fill him as Greagoir watches his son leave the Tower with the Grey Warden. Wynne stands at his side and the mage looks as though she is ready to cry, though she keeps her expression as stoic as his own.

"Thank you Greagoir," Wynne says softly once the boat has become nothing but a dot in the distance. "Thank you for taking care of our son." _Thank you for giving him what we could not have._ The statement is there although it remains unspoken. Greagoir says nothing for a moment, not daring to look at Wynne.

"I could not save either of you when the Tower fell," Greagoir says and the memory of the Tower's fall still burns him. Cullen's haunted expression, Cullen's near descent into madness. Greagoir had been helpless to save his son then he had been helpless to save them all. "Despite her disregard for the rules the girl seems to be good for him."

"She is a good woman," Wynne says defensively. "You are far too paranoid."

"Hmph." With that Greagoir and Wynne return to the Tower, walking side by side as they once had long ago.

* * *

The trip to Amaranthine was a long one, but it was enjoyable. Though the attention Solona receives at each village they pass is a bit disconcerting for Cullen. He can tell Solona feels the same way as she awkwardly accepts gifts of gratitude from people she does not know. It is something Cullen does not think either of them will ever grow accustomed to. Although Rabbit definitely appreciates the copious amounts of food they are given.

Nothing however prepares him for the welcome that greets them when they arrive at Amaranthine.

"My lovely Warden, how marvelous to see you again." A blonde elf greets them at the entrance extending his arms to Solona grinning lecherously. Cullen feels annoyance at first but Solona is laughing and she embraces the elf. "If I might say you are looking more _beautiful_ than usual, perhaps seeing me after so long is the cause, no?" Solona only laughs harder in response and the elf gives a dramatic sigh. "Must you break my heart so?"

"It is good to see you again Zevran," Solona says and Cullen frowns not sure of what to think of the elf. Cullen does not like the way the elf touches her and he does not like how _familiar_ he seems to be with Solona.

"Eh who is it you brought with ya?" A gruff voice draws Cullen's attention, downward.

"Oghren!" Solona smiles down at the dwarf though she does not hug the dwarf, probably due to the stench.

"Another whatcha call 'em...Templar? You help eh...'relieve' this one of his virginity too?" Cullen flushes a bright shade of red but before he can open his mouth to retort the dwarf continues. "Heh thought so."

"Warden, Warden, for _shame_," the elf Zevran says placing a hand over his heart looking positively scandalized. "You best be careful lest you be known as Solona the Deflower-er."

"Anything but 'the Hero of Ferelden'." Solona is laughing and Cullen stares at her in astonishment, but soon he too begins to smile. If these are her friends Cullen_ supposes _he can learn how to deal with their oddities, because they make her happy.

Although getting along with Zevran will probably prove particularly difficult, because he is looking at Solona's backside _far_ too much for Cullen's liking.

* * *

Later that night they lay in bed, tangled in each others arms. Solona feels peace, listening to Cullen's heartbeat and knowing that when she wakes up in the morning he will be there. Solona knows that he will always be there now. There is no need for Cullen to sneak away anymore. There is no need for them to hide anymore, though they did a poor job of it at the Tower anyway.

She will always love Alistair, a part of her will always grieve his loss and wonder 'what if' but Solona accepts that there will be no what if, because Alistair is gone. She has a future with Cullen now, where that future will go she does not know, and here in his arms she does not care, she is not afraid any longer.

"I love you," Cullen murmurs as he loses the battle to keep his eyes open. Solona smiles slightly pressing her lips against his chest, against his heart. They were broken and now together they were whole. Solona closes her own eyes and grasps one of Cullen's hands in her own entwining their fingers.

"I love you too."

All is well.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Phew! That was a marathon! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. My goal was mostly emotion with this story and it is my first time writing in present tense, it's interesting and I do enjoy it although for longer chaptered fics I don't think I will ever be able to manage haha. Please drop a review and tell me what you think! If people want me to I can write "companion" pieces to this, just tell me what insights you would like and I would be happy to provide.


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